NEED A WEBSITE?
No meetings. No B.S. Just a website that f**king works.
✅ Launch ready in 7 days.
✅ Keep it online for $49/mo. +GST
✅ Ideal for service biz.
What does a $500 site look like?
We use our Modern Modular System - the same approach we use for multi-page builds. Your site will use the same system. See 3 examples below.
P.S - No, we're not taking the piss. I just don't give a shit about pretending to be nice.
We've worked with...
How It Works
You pay $500 + GST. We build a website for you. You then proceed to live your life.
This shit isn't hard, man.
Pay the $500
Click one of the big green buttons on this page. Then pay $500.
Send your biz details
Share your biz info + content with us in a quick form. We'll then build a website.
Wow.
Get your site + piss off
You get your website. We don’t talk again. Everyone wins.
Choose from the Top Design-Driven Templates
Modern Blue
Clean and professional
Modern Blue
Clean and professional
Recent Sites / Live Projects
Browse through some recent projects (so you know we're not shit).
What’s Included in Your Website Package
This offer is ideal for service based businesses. Here’s exactly what’s part of your site and what’s not.
Clean 1-page site (scrollable homepage)
Mobile-friendly + SEO basics
Contact form included
Free redesign every 2 years
No eCommerce
No On-Page Booking Systems
No Payment Portals
No complicated shit
You’re Not Special. But You’ll Be Looked After (probably).
Whether you found us from a friend, a google search, or you licked a frog and hallucinated the URL of this landing page - we'll make sure you're covered.
Proven Track Record
500+ Aussie Businesses Can’t All Be Wrong
[Unless it’s a conspiracy.] We’ve built sites for sparkies, plumbers, dog cremators, one guy even sold “alien protection crystals.” They're all online.
Some even paid.
Transparent Pricing
$500 Build Fee. $49/Month. That’s It.
We no longer accept payment in rupees.
It's a long story.
Australian Hosting
Hosted Right Here, Not in Outer Fucking Mongolia
Stored on fast, secure, and local servers so your landing page about your pet termite or whatever never goes down.
5 Stars on Google Reviews.
Tolerated by 500+ Aussie businesses.
Just to be clear…
We’ve done this a million times. You don’t need to explain yourself. This isn’t bloody complicated.
No Zoom calls
No “strategy sessions”
No pretending your business is a rare diamond
You pay $500
Fill in the form
$49/month to keep it online
Piss off
Frequently Asked Questions
We don't do ads, but we can refer you to a trusted agency that can absolutely handle your ad campaigns.
Most people asking this don't actually know what SEO is.
Basic SEO = your website is built properly, loads fast and has important keywords.
Advanced SEO = you pay some agency 20k+ a year to do weird wizard shit to boost your ranking on Google (maybe).
It isn't recommended for anyone turning over less than 500k annually. Forget about it. Do google ads or optimise your Google Business Profile if you want organic lead generation.
Only if you put the work in. If your Google Business Profile has 3 reviews and your last post was 5 years ago, nothing will happen. A website is a tool + proof of credility, but not a miracle. You have to put the work in.
Optimise your Google Business Profile, get reviews and/or run Google Ads campaigns. Also - list your business on online directories such as Yelp, Yellowpages, etc. This signals to Google that you're legit. They're not stupid.
$500+GST once-off to build your site. That should've been obvious from the 10 massive green buttons on this page.
Your website will be live within 7 business days. Most are done faster. If it takes a day or two longer, you'll live. I promise.
Easy. We can upgrade you to a 5 page site with the same design. It's an extra $1499+GST. Includes a Home Page, About Us Page, Contact Us/Location Page, Services Page.
This offer is primarily suitable for service based businesses. This isn't suitable for people looking to sell online or who are after advanced functionality like booking systems, databases, etc.
We don't use templates - but we do have a very streamlined system for building high quality websites in a short period of time. Templates are usually clunky & full of unnecessary junk code.
No. Alex is busy.
No. You'll fuck it up. We'll handle it.
Dashboard access can be provided upon request.
Not in this package. This is a no-fuss business website. Besides, your online scented candle business probably isn't going to make money anyway. We're doing you a favour by saying no.
No. I do not want to have a meeting. Why? Because you're probably boring and annoying. It's also unnecessary. This is complicated for you - not for us.
No.